It should have been one of my first hints. We passed her books in Barnes and Noble, saw her on the cover on magazines, and he would hiss as if they’d come to drag him back to the confessional.


“She’s soulless, that Rachel Ray.”

“Rachel Ray?”

“Her empty eyes, that cold smile. Soulless.”

I would murmur some sort of blankness, a hmm or a aha. This impressed me yesterday that for the duration of that sort of strange companionship, how little he asked about my opinions or thoughts. How I was being molded into something for him alone, into a girl that existed parallel to me, but without the experience of moi, he hadn’t the balls to talk to… I digress.

But catching Rachel Ray on Oprah yesterday reminded me about the admittance that I could never make.

I like Rachel Ray.

I really do. I mean, Five Minute Fudge? She’s plucky, that one. I can relate to her too. She’s the only grown woman that I have in my memory, aside from my Mom and Aunt, that will squeal when she’s happy. Life is so much better with the occasional squeals of joy.

There is also something in the above mentioned description I should be relating to. But before that I need to share with you that I am now a triple threat. I can make an entrée, dessert, and now, hors d’oeuvres.  

Look, deviled-eggs by gum.


I went to look up the spelling for hors d’oeuvres because appetizers wasn’t four dollar enough, and with appetizers I think Chili’s, not socializing with high heels. What did Merriam Webster suggest for my first awkward spelling? Whoredoms. Let’s hear it for the soulless. We can cook.


6 Responses to Clues.

  1. E says:

    I own a Rachel Ray cookbook! It’s true. I also have one other cookbook from a Food Network personality, whose name escapes me off the top of my head…

    I will say I like the Ms. Ray because her recipes are stupid easy to do. Considering that I can’t cook…

    But while she can be annoying, I wouldn’t call her soulless. Besides, she abbreviates everything. I’m certain you can be down with that.

  2. firewings says:

    Ooooh, I’m going to have to take your book to a Kinko’s next week to make copies.

  3. thebutton says:

    Go you! I love cooking and I absolutely love Rachel Ray! It’s a treat to see her on Oprah and that episode you spoke of I saw today 🙂 I miss watching her real show on the Food Network. That woman has crazy, easy ideas. *wants a cookbook of hers*

  4. eatsbugs says:

    Rachael Ray is one of the people in my life that specifically miss. I used to watch Food network constantly even though I never used a single thing I saw there. Simple humor, good looking people and food: what better combination.

    She can’t be soulless, she’s too cute to be soulless.

  5. The Rebuker says:

    Indeed! Rachel Ray can be a little forced in her delivery sometimes, but her love of food is obviously genuine. Huzzah for squeals of joy!

    Of all the Food Network personalities, I think Alton Brown is my favorite. Funny guy, cheesy skits, OCD attention to scientific detail, a Unified Dip Theory, everything you need.

  6. Bill says:

    I wasn’t sure where your story was going for a while!

    Could it be…Fox News presents: Rachael Ray – the Untold Story of a Demanding Dining Diva! See her ORDER food! Witness her drain pasta DRY!

    Until then, I’ll live quite contented in my little Rachael Ray World.

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