Bring Your Own Eggs.

Quite a while back my parents kept having a slew of negative experiences with le International House of Pancakes. The most glaring was the one where they traveled to one of The Big Adjacent Cities and specifically had in mind to eat at the IHOP.


After being seated along with their one cup of coffee for about an hour, during which they made an acquaintance with a neighboring cowboy, they decided to up and leave. I hear said cowboy offered to pay for their coffee, probably out of pity. From the experience my Dad maligned their slogan to Come Hungry, Leave Hungry. (Formerly, ‘Leave Happy.’ They were decidedly not.)

Flash forward to yesterday. My Mom and I decide to try the IHOP here due to a sudden hankering for crepes and French toast and hash browns respectively. Miraculously, the town of my high school years has come into a bit of an upswing… an Applebee’s, a Chili’s, an IHOP, even a
Hastings with a WiFi Café.

[Kids these days have it way too easy. Thrilling for me was going to the run-down diner with the phones at the booths. PHONES! With wires!]

So we get our menus and I glance at the propped up display of specials with their slogan. I repeat my Dad’s, “Come Hungry and Leave Hungry” and in the exact same moment I hear the waitress tell a dad and his two children behind me, “I’m so, so sorry…but we’re out of eggs.”

It was early and I was hungry, so naturally, this leads to dramatics. I lean to my Mom and in strangled tones, “No eggs!”

She looked up at me as if peering through fog. “No…eggs? What?”

“They have no eggs! Eggs! Sweet mother of God, no eggs!”

The clincher for me is that they also had no hash browns. [!] But really they also had no ham and whole host of intrinsic food stuffs due to a truck “disappearing” during the holiday weekend. The waitress recommended we deliberate before ordering drinks. Deliberation was one look at each other and one look toward the car, before rising in unison.

As much as I was already amused, what really killed me is when we walked out to the car. I noticed the conversation between the father and two daughters that had been sitting behind me. Specifically, the little daughter of about 4 and the dad:

“But Daaaaadddddy, I want to eeeeeat heeeeeere.” She threw a coloring book to the ground and pouted.

He looks up at the IHOP, grimaces and says, “Honey…um… they don’t have any food here.”


4 Responses to Bring Your Own Eggs.

  1. thebutton says:

    Oh my goodness. That is quite sad. That would be when the manager carts himself to the huge 24 hour WalMart and buys them out of eggs, hashbrowns, and ham.

    The other new places out in town make me want to go back so bad. Not to mention that I’d love running into old friends and such.

  2. E says:

    Growing up in a small town with only a couple of relatively crappy 24-hour diners (one in a truck stop and one that had “world-famous” tomato soup) and later an even crappier Denny’s, IHOP was sort the mystical pancake house in the far-reaches of civilization. This is mostly because our breakfast choices sucked and nobody trekked all the way to Albuquerque to eat breakfast.

    As such, I have only been there a handful of times. I think the first time I went was quite good, so it made the list of places to go after late-night poker fests at Sandia or a night of bar-hopping. All I remember is that the service usually sucked and I was always disappointed in what I had ordered. About the only thing I liked were the syrups, which would only make me drench my pancakes in them and make myself sick. Alas.

    The exasperated parent reminds me of my “potato for Halloween” story. High comedy.

  3. eatsbugs says:

    My frat brothers and I go to IHOP on occasion, and we usually end up with one wonderful waitress who comes in on a swing shift. We will actually wait for her. She tells us we can order anything we want to drink, no charge, but when the manager comes in at one am, she has to collect our drink glasses before said manager spies them.

    This last time, she even uped the ante to include ice cream.

  4. firewings says:

    Sounds like a blog E.

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