In exactly one month it will be the last day of the semester and I could not be happier about it. This semester has been nothing but dealing with intellectual studies that have no application to some of the real life actualities that have left my life potent with anxiety.
Musing on how rhetorical influences speech patterns, thinking about the publish or perish environment I may find myself crawling toward, or even just scrambling for some hermeneutical process to flow over me so that I can jumpstart some sort of abstract project has left me drained and burned out.
[Hit it, Wikipedia: “Hermeneutics may be described as the development and study of theories of the interpretation and understanding of texts.”]
I still feel that all this attributes to the fact that I have no overwhelming passions and still cannot find any. I like to write. I like to have experiences. I like to blog. Like I said in an earlier post, I’ve been pimping out my blog [That’s just for you HWSNBN.] to a couple of my classes as my only real, saving passion; and yet, I feel there should be more. What tangible passion does that list really follow?
I sat in a class last semester, paralyzed after simply being asked what my academics interests were and how to structure a grant proposal around them. When one of the first women to speak, calmly said, “I would like to write a grant to establish funding for a Mayan cultural center in Belize” I really had to swallow and try and recapture what exactly I was doing going for this degree in the first place. Granted (pun more than slightly intended), this woman had about thirty years on me and was working on a PhD dissertation, but I have a hard time believing that she had no conceptions of what greatness she was going to accomplish in the future when she was younger.
I know, I know… life experiences molds you into this bundle of directional cues, but I still feel that I’m quite timidly sitting on a soggy leaf floating on a river where people are standing on the banks quoting their passions and using words like “hegemony”, “paradigms”, and “enculturation”.
I feel like I should stay on this leaf. Even while I like to use words like hermeneutics (Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue?), I’m still the one to like to throw a good “Duuude…” into scholarly conversation, thereby having some of the elite give me a slow blink and totally go on having no fun with their lives.