Breaking blogging taboos: I will talk about what I ate.

I had a non-helpful, sleepy morning yesterday. I flopped into my chair, clicked down the switch to start the motors of my engine and debated what exactly I would have would have for breakfast. After a sparse couple of days, we now had milk. But I could go for something, my mouth smacking, more starchy; I could go for something fruity too.

I’ll have a banana with peanut butter.

Meandering into the kitchen, I grabbed a knife, a banana and the jar of barely used peanut butter. Back in my room and in front of my computer, I flopped back down, peeling my banana, and started up the feed reader, the email accounts, the online class accounts.

A voice from the depths of my mind, the one who sometimes has to lay low on her hypochondriac urges, whispered a gentle, “What ever happened about that peanut butter recall?” Without a thought, I opened up to Google, I type ‘peanut butter recall’.

I immediately see a link to the FDA and click to it. A picture of Peter Pan peanut butter jumps up, I breathe a sign of relief, looking at my Great Value brand label. My gaze reaches back to the screen where I noticed “and potentially Great Value peanut butter with the product number beginning with 2111”.

My eyes flick to the top of the lid where I had been resting my knife. Letting the knife strike and smear the surface, I shoved the lid off of my desk and in front of my nose.

Grimacing I murmured, “It can’t be – ”



Never mind the “potentially”, my inner hypochondriac cackled with glee and I started to get a sinking feeling in my stomach, “symptoms begin in 12-72 hours”, “Salmonella”.

So I have been desperately working to finish my homework and end term projects since I have a new deadline: ’cause now I’m a goin’ to die. And if I do just get sick, someone is going to pay for my college education.

Ah, to live in a litigious society.


12 Responses to Breaking blogging taboos: I will talk about what I ate.

  1. E says:

    See, this is why choosy moms choose Jif. It’s just that simple.

  2. K says:

    haha. That my friend is a cruel irony. “Salmonella” however isn’t that big of a deal. You’ll be sick to your stomach, dehydrated, runny nose, usually sore throat, peeing out both ends to name a few symptoms.

    Good times to be had, however and unfortunate for your hypochondriac voice, you won’t die.

    Go about your blogging life and for fun I’d give away free PB&J sandwiches to your hall mates.

  3. eatsbugs says:

    Or you could just force feed it to a number of unnameable enemies. Of course, I’m a jerk like that.

    Hope K is right.

  4. firewings says:

    Yeah, I am exaggerating on the dying.
    P.S. PBJs are on the house here!

    P.P.S. Especially for some choice people. Y’all let me know, if…you know. *mob shrug*

  5. Thebutton says:

    My Gramma bought two large tubs of the Great Value PB. Soon as the recall came, she closed the one jar she opened and marched right on down to WalMart. I even told her, that’s why I always go for Jiff or Skippy.

    The pet food one woulda got us too if we hadn’t gotten the tub ‘o’ lard cat off of mushy food. Both used to get mushy food on weekends. Once Hunter started looking pregnant, we cut that out of both cats’ diets.

  6. The Rebuker says:

    *addressing everyone from the moral highground*
    Ah yes, the peanut butter recall. All those poor schmoes who had to throw away their half-eaten jars of partially-hydrogenated peanut-y goo. All those poor schmucks fretting over the possibility of food poisoning (Who says salmonella isn’t really that bad? The Lysol commercials tell a different story.)
    If only all you people were more like me. If only you had purchased Smuckers all-natural peanut butter (ingredients: peanuts, peanut oil, salt) instead of that frosting-like stuff that passes for peanut butter, you could be rubbing your un-recalled PB in everyone else’s faces.
    Sure, the natural stuff is an oily, grainy pain in the ass that hardens to brick-like stiffness if not mixed correctly. But at least I never had worry about light-to-moderate vomiting because of it.

  7. E says:

    “Sure, the natural stuff is an oily, grainy pain in the ass that hardens to brick-like stiffness if not mixed correctly.”

    So that’s what I did wrong. I swore I mixed it correctly…

    Yeah, even if choosy moms choose Jif, I have the natural stuff too. Trader Joe’s FTW!

  8. firewings says:

    You know what that sounds like, R?



  9. The Rebuker says:

    Yes, by mix it correctly I mean you have to stir it for at least five minutes or until your hand goes nub, whichever comes first.
    And, Ms. Wings, Nair doesn’t taste nearly as good slathered on toast.

  10. The Rebuker says:

    Uh, that was supposed to be “numb” but I like “nub” too.

  11. firewings says:

    *hand against cheek and pointing with the the other*

    You – you ate NAIR?

    Well played.

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