I create a personalized gauntlet for all my friends. I try their intellect, observe their movements within the world, and make mental notches of what qualities align between us. I have been told that I do not have a lot of tolerance and that I should allow for them to judge me for my grievances as steeply as I do theirs. For the latter, I do wish to be held highly accountable for my actions and behavior and run into the same sort of weavings that I create. As for tolerance, I am unbendingly strict.
It seems like where I tend to usually allow for failure upon failure is in my relationships. I am a typical woman in regards to hoping and passively waiting for some mind reading, but on the whole, I do tend to give very explicit instructions for the capture of my esteem.
I value words: the power they carry, the pictures of the immaterial that they can create, and, as trite as it sounds, how they can access the roadmap to a person’s inner world. It’s not to say that you will understand what you see when you get there. You may not like the carpeting, the decorations on the walls, or the dusty moldings – but if you can relate in a little way or even feel comfortable in their world, perhaps there is more to initiate a longer similar travel for a while.
Sadly, these simple – to me – instructions never really get engaged and I’m left feeling bizarrely frustrated and mad at myself.
The movie The Motorcycle Diaries had interesting line, about two lives running parallel to one another for a little while. I never wanted a merging of lives, not even when illicitly conjuring the white picket dream. I just wanted another compatible life to run parallel with mine for a while.
On a side note, I was asked if I knew where I was going after I admitted a general feeling that I knew I was going somewhere. I a bit haphazardly mentioned that I did know of what that feeling consisted. I said that I hope to end up somewhere I can’t currently imagine and currently would not be able to currently believe.
It’s an interesting start on solidifying bits of a personal worldview.