Why there are no real adult playgrounds

If there is such a thing as a Yo-Yo diet, does something like a Yo-Yo boyfriend exist? I continued on that path of thought, when I realized that a seesaw is a better metaphor.

When it’s good, there is a balance, an account of trust between the two riders, and a sort of glee in both being able to dash upwards and also to let someone else experience the same rush.

Then at a certain point when you’re up in the air, naively trying to touch the clouds and the feel the warmth of the sun, you look down to see that the other person isn’t really paying attention anymore. They are conversing with others and are leaning back in an unshared fit of laughter. The wind feels colder against your skin, you kick your feet, but know that that won’t actually help.

Then the other rider wittingly slips off to do something else. You land with a thud. Sometimes you bounce off a tire, sometimes off the ground; sometimes you only murmur your discontent, sometimes you yell.

It’s the yelling that makes the other rider saunter back, apologize, and once again climb on. But you’re still not content. You still feel the shock of the jolt, through your spine, on your tush, and you wonder why you invited this person back to ride. You remember at one point that this was fun, shrug your shoulders, try again.

Now you’re at the bottom, the other rider grinning gleefully from above you, waving, trying to make you understand what it’s like to be up there. You give a half smile and hear the faint tinkle of bells. They grow closer and you look away to see that it’s the ice cream truck pulling up. You strain to see what it offers; is that a chocolate fudge popsicle? You swing one leg over to be able to bend over and see more clearly and you slip off. Your partner slams to the ground, with you on your knees on the other end watching him – he gives you an incredulous look of dismay.

“What the hell happened?”
“I got caught up with the ice cream truck. I think they have chocolate.”
“You should have been paying attention to the seesaw.”
Making a Pfft noise, you say, “Fine of you to say that.”
He stands and rolls his eyes. “I’ve already apologized.”
You stand and wipe the dirt off your knees. “Okay, okay. How about we go get some chocolate ice cream?”
“I don’t want any ice cream. Besides, I don’t like chocolate.”
You look longingly at the truck, back toward his eyes and then to the seesaw. “Let’s try this again then shall we?”
“I don’t think I want to anymore.”
You roll your eyes now and lift up your side of the seesaw and throw your leg back over, “So I’m on it, it’s up to you.”
He huffs and walks back over, stomping like a willful child, and looks over to a table full of his friends, huffs and sits in his seat. He cocks his head at you, eyes dead of any emotion.

You jump upward and are caught in the air. You realize that the idea of the seesaw is nice in theory. It is actually very nice in theory. Then you look down to the scowling face… but it would be nicer if both people were in agreement.

At a certain point you come to the realization that you’re an adult and that you have to, at some point, slide off your side of the seesaw and put your feet on the ground. Then you have to stand and walk away from the game. In an effort of remembering the past you might want to extend you hand in friendship, but know that the other person won’t even be looking your way.


21 Responses to Why there are no real adult playgrounds

  1. eatsbugs says:

    You make it sound like both people can never be completely happy in a relationship, and that one must give up a lot of the happy to keep the seesaw going. I’m sad now.

  2. firewings says:

    That is why you go get chocolate. Because with chocolate, all things are possible.

  3. How terribly depressing. Though I suppose your metaphor can extend to the point where to be happy, you and your seesaw partner have to agree to a compromise, both suspended an equal distance from the ground, and the same the level. Neither of you reaching the highest point possible, but also no one hits the ground.

    Actually, I don’t like like this metaphor at all.

  4. J says:

    This is why when you find someone compatible you should just sit on a bench.

  5. firewings says:

    I like that extension – “on the same level”; I need to find someone on the same level as me. And then we go sit on a bench and eat chocolate.
    I refuse to compromise the chocolate factor.

  6. So would that mean your ideal mate is a lazy guy who likes chocolate?

  7. firewings says:

    The finite idea of an Ideal Mate is still pending, but I’m sure it revolves around chocolate somehow.

  8. Gasp! Make a man out of chocolate. The perfect summer project.

  9. E says:

    You are all wrong. The seesaw analogy is valid because it is a device that relies on both persons working with the other to make it work. Both must be in concert; this is the defined ideal of relationship given in the post. How the heck is a bench going to give the exhilaration of touching the sky and feeling free? A bench is a seesaw failed.

    Nonetheless, chocolate is probably the key. I envision a holy quest to the land of chocolate and sweets, otherwise known as Deutschland.

  10. firewings says:

    What I can see from this analogy is that in this relationship there is always someone “high” and someone who is not. That, sadly, is also not how it should work, am I right?

  11. E says:

    I’m looking at the camaraderie of it. You get me there and I get you there. Sometimes it seems like I’m “high” when you’re not, and vice versa, but we’ll still work together to make it the best for both of us. I think that sounds about right.

  12. firewings says:

    But I’m not going for simple friendship camaraderie, I’m going for a relationship working in tandem. I don’t know…

    Maybe I should have gone for my “we’re on a sinking canoe and trying to plug up the holes” metaphor. Heh.

  13. E says:

    Well, I was going for the same thing. I know what you mean.

    I like the canoe metaphor, but I would’ve added a mumbling “And I think you’re dead weight…” as well as a healthy dose of *shifty eyes*.

  14. K says:

    If I can relate adulthood to a garden hose, you can by all means relate a relationship to a see saw.

    See her post yesterday, she digs scrawny white guys 😉

    Why do I get a strange feeling this is turning into a personal ad?

    I’ll get the ball rolling …

    SWM- If you like Pina Coladas And getting caught in the rain. If you’re not into yoga, If you have half a brain.If you’d like making love at midnight In the dunes on the Cape Then I’m the love that you’ve looked for Write to me and escape.”

  15. Thebutton says:

    All relationships have their ups and downs. It just stinks when you’re on the down side for a rather long time. That’s when your partner needs to help lift you up. And when they are too high, you need to be there to help ground them a bit.

    Chocolate does sound good..mmm. But should your ideal partner not like chocolate, doesn’t that mean more for you? 😉 Does he have to like a specific type of chocolate? I love that Bry hates dark chocolate and he loves that I hate milk chocolate. It means we stay away from each other’s stash.

  16. eatsbugs says:

    I just seems to me like there ought to be a realistic point where both people are exhilirated. I agree on the point of compromise, even though I think compromise is a really over-used and under-developed concept. Yet, why be in a relationship if everything, when it’s at its best for both people is only ho-hum?

  17. The Rebuker says:

    I think the best relationship would be like two friends swinging next to each other on a swing set.You’re close to each other, you’re sharing the same dizzy laughter, but there’s no inherant push/pull between you. You’re on the same ride but going at your own pace.

  18. firewings says:

    How about tetherball? Anyone up for inserting me inserting that picture?

    I loved tetherball, was terrible at it though. Oh! Just like my relationships!


  19. I think tetherball works better than you know for most relationships. Sneaking what you can past your partner and hoping to catch anything they send your way.

  20. eatsbugs says:

    Not to mention the occasional opportunity to smash them in the face on the upswing.

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