Providing a Future

I have not fallen into a margarita stupor. I’ve been off doing adult things – jobs applications, resume tweaking, mindless worrying about the future. 

I realized something important while brushing my teeth and talking to myself about a week ago. I’m not sure how I got on this topic of conversation with myself. It’s quite like how I end up on weird tangents with external sources – sometimes, but not always, with humans. Nevertheless, somehow I hit an epiphany while water dripped off my elbow and onto my foot.

I was debating whether or not a job offer I have would be a good choice for me (more information at a later date) and if it would be something I would want as a career. I’m hedging a bit because I’ve finally realized that what I do irritates me so much because it doesn’t truly seem to have an impact on any sort of forward movement. Untangling that line, what I do doesn’t really deal with the future. Day in and out, I dredge up the past. I am, writing this with a flair of dramatic, responsible for the portions of a person’s soul left behind in written material.

*cough* Less dramatically put – I’m currently an archivist in training.

It wasn’t so much my flirting with morbidity which was the epiphany, but I realized that, hey, I have concrete wants and desires when looking at what I would like to do in fifteen years (…if I actually mobilized my butt for action). I no longer just have “I don’t want this” or “I would go crazy if faced with that”, but actual, honest-to-goodness attributes to look for in a job.

Hallelujah. (‘Tis the season after all.)

What were these quaint actualities that made me spit my toothpaste out and wave my toothbrush into the air, consequently scaring the cat and getting frothy toothpaste everywhere? In the chaos, I thought they were pretty good.

1. I would like to work with people. I’m not an antisocial creature contrary to popular belief and really don’t mind customers. I have spent several summers and winters in various parts of the Archives crypt, and as much as I like podcasts, I get a special flavor of crazy after not speaking to someone for eight hours. What about people in the academic world? Would I like to be a part of a stodgy and boring academic team? No. An overly idealistic and Type A Personality academic team? No. A team that is realistic about its success and ability for creating change? Hell yes. I’d even make the chai.

2. I wouldn’t mind being a leader. In fact, when relegated to being on a team, I tend to gravitate to the leadership role. I like that in grad school that people are much more gung-ho and I get to sit back and watch the leadership of others. It’s here that I’m learning something.

3. Here are two sort of small issues:
a. I would like to move occasionally. A completely sedentary lifestyle would kill me. So moving from off my putukus every couple hours would be nice to which randomly leads me to the fact that…

b. I would like to be able to see daylight at some point in the day. Maybe having some windows, perhaps something outdoors. I currently have a nice window, but with the upcoming job…I would have to steal glances from windows which are behind a concrete facade. My old boss liked to call it our harem shade. She had a flair for the dramatic too.

4. I want to work with technology. I find it fascinating to see the cross pollinization between technology and information. I like seeing how data and information is manipulated, for the good and bad, and like seeing how it manipulates and changes people. I would like to be able to create awareness of manipulation and put the power of technology and information back into the hands of people who can do the most good.

5. I would like to deal with the future. Dammit, I’m young and semi-idealistic. I would like to make a change in the world. I don’t need, or even want, my name in textbooks. But if in looking back and in going forward, I would only see that what I’ve done and do with my life was only done for the good of my bank account, I doubt I would be able to live, or die, knowing that.

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7 Responses to Providing a Future

  1. theMayor says:

    I admire your gung ho! And for your sake I hope you get everything you want … Just make sure you have an open mind and willing to compromise. 4 out of 5 isn’t bad ….

  2. firewings says:

    It’s true. I needed to mention that I am willing to compromise but it didn’t make it into the post somehow.

    But hooo-eiii, just having concrete things – crazy awesome.

  3. Lisa says:

    This is a FABULOUS post! Good for you! I think it’s great that you’ve had these epiphanies (mind often come at odd times/places, too) – and are bold enough to outline them in print. Great intention!

    Here’s to manifesting a great path of purposeful success for your future – and your unique place in the world!

  4. strangerandstranger says:

    I am glad to see brushing your teeth with flouride does something for you ;). CAn I say I am very proud of you,or is that way to un-cool of me? You have always been a sensible person and I am glad you are finally figureing all this razz-matazz out. Good luck you!! You have all my support and hey if not mom his crazy aunt will have to show him the world aye? *wipes glistening sappy tear from eye*

  5. firewings says:

    Aww, big *hug* to S. You better believe it, I’ll manifest all sorts of crazy to drag my nephew around the world, just like my aunt did for me.

    Thanks also to Lisa for the encouraging words. She gets a special blog on Friday too. ^_^

  6. dhb says:

    It would be great if you could work for a few different companies because they have different ways of doing things – sometimes good, sometimes bad. It would be sad to see your idealism locked up though 😦 Don’t let that happen. I like you the way you are (right now).

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