I’ll be glad when the clock ticks over. It’s really just in our minds that we conjure up meaning to things that happen all the time, but still the weight that the tradition of the New Year does provoke an existence and actuality for me that other holidays can’t. I explained it to J by way of this: the myth of Christmas or Halloween persists for the stereotypical family, but the happening is dependent on those celebrating it. You cannot have a Christmas filled with family if your family lives overseas. You cannot go trick o’ treating with your children if you have not made children with the fruit of your loin. (Etc.)
With New Year’s, there is a collective agreement that things will change. The simple act of people needing to change their habits by writing 2008 on checks, e-mails, and letters gives me a sense that there is an imbuement of power to the happening of the New Year.
This year has been trying. I’ve lost my father, lost people that are close to me, and am in the process of losing the route of guided “learning” that school has offered me. I’m actually not sad about that. I feel like in the last three months I’ve discovered the path I will walk for at least the next six months. Just having that level of security is comforting. I was hoping for the security of other things, but those are not meant to be for me right now and I will make peace with it.
It’s been a year of loss. I won’t be sorry to leave it behind, but I do understand that I will always carry it with me and at some point I will embrace it.
[Ed. Note: This was hard to type… and edit with J mentioning that I needed to change articles and my slightly inebriated self saying, “Sss, fine, what do you mean…oh, I’m lookin’ at the wrong sentence. Okie, I change.”
I’m getting a head start on the bubbly. *raises glass to everyone*]