Losing a Year of Loss

I’ll be glad when the clock ticks over. It’s really just in our minds that we conjure up meaning to things that happen all the time, but still the weight that the tradition of the New Year does provoke an existence and actuality for me that other holidays can’t. I explained it to J by way of this: the myth of Christmas or Halloween persists for the stereotypical family, but the happening is dependent on those celebrating it. You cannot have a Christmas filled with family if your family lives overseas. You cannot go trick o’ treating with your children if you have not made children with the fruit of your loin. (Etc.)

With New Year’s, there is a collective agreement that things will change. The simple act of people needing to change their habits by writing 2008 on checks, e-mails, and letters gives me a sense that there is an imbuement of power to the happening of the New Year.

This year has been trying. I’ve lost my father, lost people that are close to me, and am in the process of losing the route of guided “learning” that school has offered me. I’m actually not sad about that. I feel like in the last three months I’ve discovered the path I will walk for at least the next six months. Just having that level of security is comforting. I was hoping for the security of other things, but those are not meant to be for me right now and I will make peace with it.

It’s been a year of loss. I won’t be sorry to leave it behind, but I do understand that I will always carry it with me and at some point I will embrace it.


 [Ed. Note: This was hard to type… and edit with J mentioning that I needed to change articles and my slightly inebriated self saying, “Sss, fine, what do you mean…oh, I’m lookin’ at the wrong sentence. Okie, I change.”

I’m getting a head start on the bubbly. *raises glass to everyone*]


6 Responses to Losing a Year of Loss

  1. theMayor says:

    Hey C! Just wanted to say that I’m sorry for your year of loss … ’08 will be super duper, I promise 😉 As such, I hope you get 7 out of 10 things you always wanted this year. Why not 10 out of 10 you ask?? You have to look forward to ’09 as well 😉

    Take Care and Happy New Year!

  2. eatsbugs says:

    I don’t know if its that I’ve lost the feeling of magic for the new year, or if I just didn’t celebrate properly. Regardless, I hope the next year offers you better tidings.

  3. I have decided to use the Julian calender, so I still have 12 days left in ’07 to get things done.


  4. firewings says:

    *taps head* There is a Back To The Future joke in there somewhere…

  5. strangerandstranger says:

    Make this a year of gain.

  6. jamiahharris says:

    C– I’m also not happy to hear your father passed away, but I must admit that your attitude sounds much more clear-minded, optimistic, and inspiring than most people. When my father passed in ’97, things seemed all out of whack: the holidays seemed overly spacious, I’d be emotionally erratic for days on end, etc etc. But what pulled me through was good friends and loving compassion. Let’s keep the heads up for 08, but make sure to grow from 07.

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